How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over
Did you know that over a third of American’s are dissatisfied with their lives right now? That’s over 100 million people! That’s an insane number! I was recently inspired by a TED Talk I saw, it’s called How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over. It’s authored and performed by Mel Robbins – no relation to Tony.
Mel Robbins is a married working mother of three, an Ivy-educated criminal lawyer, and one of the top career and relationship experts in America. Widely respected for her grab-’em-by-the-collar advice and tough love.
Robbins drills through the mental clutter that stands between people and what they want. Her approach is smart, effective and entertaining. Five days a week, Mel hosts her own syndicated radio show The Mel Robbins Show, discussing hot topics and giving advice to callers across America. She is starring in a new series, In-Laws, airing this summer on A&E. In addition, she writes a monthly column for Success Magazine, is a former CNBC contributor and is the co-founder of Advice for Living, Inc., which develops products and television programming with experts in the wellness, health, relationship and career categories.
Most nights, once the kids are in bed, you’ll find Mel at home with a bourbon on the rocks and her Australian Shepherd at her feet, writing about life, love and everything else on her award-winning blog: www.melrobbins.com
Her talk covered a lot – it was inspiring, brutally honest, and caused me to act upon the 5-second rule – keep reading to find out exactly what that is!
Mel’s talk covered most of what I’m about to share with you below. I’ll attempt to share the most important points with you.
STOP – take a second and think about what you want. Don’t make it sound good to other people. What do you want? Do you want to lose weight, have a triple digit income, find love, or start a non-profit? Travel the world? Part of the problem is you won’t pick!
Getting what you want is simple, but not easy. If you think about it, we live in the most amazing moment in time. The fact is, anything you want to do is researchable. There is either a book, a course, or a video out there that can teach you how to do…something – and written by credentialed experts to boot! Go on – Google it.
You can find thousands of blogs devoted to that topic documenting the step by step by step transformation that somebody else is doing. Someone else did all the legwork so you don’t have to. So you can learn and grow from their experiences. So why don’t you have what you want? Why aren’t you a happy camper? You have all the information you need at hand, right? So, what’s the real reason we aren’t happy or getting what we really want out of life? Keep reading…it will all make sense to you soon.
Mel goes on to talk about the word “Fine”. She says, “the word Fine – is the true and only F-bomb.” We use it all the time – for everything. How are you doing? Fine. How are you feeling? Fine – saying we are “fine” is really genius. If we say we are fine, we don’t have to do anything about it.
Are you dragging around those 40 extra pounds – and your fine? Haven’t had sex with your partner in months – and your fine? Feeling like roommates with your spouse and your fine? Really? I don’t think so. All brilliant examples.
Mel states, “It’s a flimsy and feeble word” – if you’re crappy – say you’re crappy. If you are amazing – say you are amazing. Be honest! The bigger issue with fine, is we say it to ourselves. Now, this is key. We have convinced ourselves we are fine and that’s why we don’t push ourselves. We have convinced ourselves we are fine not having it, not doing it – and that is the brilliant truth of it! It’s the areas in our life where we have given up.
She also stated that scientists have calculated the odds of you being born – and they took into account all the wars, natural disasters and the dinosaurs and everything else that could have gone wrong. And the odds of you being born at the moment of time you were born in, and the parents you were born to, with the DNA structure you have are – wait for it – 1: 400,000, 000, 000. Yes, that’s one in 4 hundred trillion!
Amazing right? She said you are not “fine”, you are fantastic. You have life changing ideas for a reason and it’s not to torture yourself. All day long you have ideas that can change your life, that can change the world or the way you feel…and what do you do with them? Nothing.
The Snooze Button:
We all have wonderful thought-provoking ideas and inspiration and yet what do we do? Hit the snooze button. The reason this is so important? In any area of our lives that we want to change – we are never going to feel like it.
Do you feel that motivation just isn’t happening for you? Scientists call it “activating energy”. That’s what they call the force required to get you to change from what you are doing on autopilot to get you to do what you need to do. It’s the least amount of energy required to activate atoms or molecules to a state in which they can undergo a chemical reaction.
Mel suggests you do this exercise. Set your alarm for 30 minutes earlier than when you normally wake up. When it goes off, take the sheets, throw them off, stand up and start your day. No snooze, no delay – do it! The reason she said this is so important is that you will come face to face with the physical force that’s required to change your behavior. The “activation energy” is that force that it takes you to push yourself out of your warm bed and into a cold room.
Do you think anyone ever feels like doing anything that means actual work for us? It’s your job to do the crap you don’t want to do to be everything that you’re supposed to be. And, you are so damn busy waiting to feel like it that you’re never going to. After all, didn’t our parents make us do the things we were supposed to do because we wouldn’t? Even if we get good at something, we will figure out something else that we don’t want to do. It’s human nature but you can change all that!
Mel describes our brains as follows: One side is for autopilot and the other side is the emergency brake. Those are the only two speeds we have. Autopilot – Emergency Brake. Guess which one our brains like better? You guessed it – autopilot.
We’ve all had the experience of driving to work and not remembering how we got there right? That’s autopilot. It’s functioning, just at a low-level. Anytime we do something that’s different from our normal routine, that’s the emergency brake. And our brains have that reaction for everything we do that’s out of the normal routine.
Example, you walk into the kitchen, see a mess that everyone has left for you and you think – great, well, I’ll just clean it…and then punish the hubby for leaving it for me by not having sex. That’s what we do. Anything that’s a break from our normal routine will require force. We spend our lives trying to push ourselves into a stable routine only to become bored with it.
We wake up the same time, we eat the same breakfast, we drive to work the say way, we show up to work, we pretend to look busy, then we drive home, eat largely the same dinner, and go to bed and wake up and do the same thing over again the next day. No wonder we are bored out of our minds! It’s the routine that’s killing us.
Mel said something brilliant – when you feel stuck or dissatisfied in your life it’s a signal – and it’s not a signal that your life is broken, it’s a signal that one of your most basic needs is not being met. Your need for exploration. Everything about your life, about your body, grows.
Everything grows for your entire life – your hair, your nails, your cells regenerate and your soul needs exploration and growth, and the only way you will get it is to force yourself to be uncomfortable. Brilliant! And so darn true.
She said you must force yourself to get out of your head. She says, “If you are in your head, you are behind enemy lines.” She continues saying, if we were to put a speaker so everyone can hear what we say to ourselves, they would institutionalize us! You would not hang out with people who talk to you the way you talk to yourself. Truth right? So, get out of your head! Your feelings are screwing you!
If you listen to how you feel when it comes to what you want you will never get it because you will never feel like it. We need to get outside our comfort zone. It’s not about taking risks, it’s about getting outside your comfort zone.
The first 3 seconds when you push yourself out of bed suck, but once you are up – it’s great! Get outside your comfort zone– that’s where the magic is!
The 5 Second Rule:
This rule is the key to acting on your inspiring thoughts and plans. If you have an impulse that’s pulling you, if you don’t marry it with an action within 5 seconds – you pulled the emergency brake and killed the idea. In other words, you have to do something, anything with 5 seconds or the idea is dead. This really makes a lot of sense.
If I have an idea or an inspiration about something and don’t immediately do something about it like write a note, send myself a text, something, the idea is gone, dead. You must do something physical to marry the action and the idea together or …you’ve pulled the emergency brake.
Your problem isn’t ideas, your problem is you don’t act on them. It’s not anybody’s fault except your own – you killed it. You’re doing it to yourself – stop it! Remember, you are 1 in 4 hundred trillion – you’ve got stuff to do! And it’s not going to happen in your head!
Be actionable – practice the 5-second rule. You will be shocked by what happens.
Be sure to watch Mel’s Ted Talk – it’s inspiring and motivating!
Overall, I think Mel hit the nail on the proverbial head. We have to force ourselves to be successful – to be happy, to finally have the life we dream about. What are you waiting for?
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