Married For Decades And We Argue About The Silliest Things
Is it really arguing or bickering? And how can it be that after being married for decades we still argue almost daily? In thinking about the upcoming holiday approaching – Father’s Day – I started thinking about what I love most about my hubby.
Then, those thoughts erupted into thinking about how much we bicker about the silliest things that make us who we are. I could feel the smile on my face expanding. I couldn’t help but ask, why after all these years do we argue or bicker over such nonsense?
I don’t really classify these moments as arguing – but rather a decent bicker! A flood of thoughts came racing into my mind and begged the questions – do all married couples do this? Do we bicker too much? How much is “normal” and how much is too much?
I found a compelling quote that fits how we feel about arguing.
Maybe I’m strange and perverse, but I’ve always thought there was something sexy about a compelling argument.
Therese Doucet, A Lost Argument
I think I happen to agree! There is something very sexy about connecting with your spouse when you have a compelling argument or even a silly one!
Let me preface this by saying how much I dearly love my hubby. He is the best father and husband I could have ever hoped for. OK, now that I’ve got that off my chest I feel better about criticizing him! Of course, I say this in jest, I don’t classify this as a criticism but rather a journey into the pieces of him that culminate all of my reasons for loving him so much.
My Side of The Story: I’d like to start with my side of things of course. First, I’d like to list the top three silly things we bicker about. Yes, let’s call this bickering as it sounds much nicer than arguing!
- Technology
- Television
- His OCD
It’s really interesting to see other people’s reactions when we bicker in front of them. Our bickering usually lasts all of under 30 seconds. It’s not like these are long intense arguments, but more so they are akin to the words of listening to two teenagers argue about who is more popular – Justin Bieber or One Direction.
Some folks get noticeably uncomfortable, and the expressions on their faces changes to worry immediately upon hearing us – others chuckle with amusement as if they were watching Frank and Estelle on an episode of Seinfeld duking it out.
It’s interesting as I’ve never really viewed those moments as arguing but rather like the pieces of what makes us interesting and allows us to be totally comfortable with each other. Let me provide you with a typical example of one of these “episodes”.
Technology – a hot topic for us. I understand since I’m a geek and he is a Luddite, I’m a bit, well let’s say – impatient!
Hubby: How do you edit contacts on this new phone again? I think I just accidentally deleted two people.
Me: For God’s sake! I showed you how to do that at least 4 times already!
Hubby: I know, I know, but when I clicked where you said, it didn’t work, so I tried it the other way now my contacts are gone.
Me: I know third graders who can use a smart phone more effectively than you.
Hubby: Listen, if you don’t want to show me again than don’t.
Me: OK, but this is the last time so pay attention!
It seems harmless enough, right? Well, you ‘d be surprised how many folks actually classify this as an argument. I guess that’s what surprises me the most is other people’s reactions to a typical conversation such as the above. Does that classify as an argument?
I beg to differ – we are not angry at each other, it’s forgotten about two seconds after it’s over, and there are no hard feelings. Although, he does occasionally throw that conversation in my face when we have the same argument again which by all accounts happens two days later when he asks me the same question.
Television – Another bickering session looks like this.
Me: Can you please lower that darn TV. Why does it have to be so loud? I’m sure the neighbors are also enjoying it too.
Hubby: I can’t hear it because you are always on the phone yakking in the background.
Me: It’s always on loud even when I’m upstairs. All the birds flew away from the area in fear because they can hear it too!
Hubby: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Again, no hard feelings, over in 30 seconds, and always makes me chuckle. Yet, when I have this type of conversation in front of others they view it as an argument, and politely say something like, “now now, let’s all just get along” – as if we weren’t!
OCD – yep! Hubby has some OCD issues.
Me: You just checked the car doors. They are locked. Do you have to sweep around three times to check them again?
Hubby: Well, I’m just making sure.
Me: I think the second time around was classified as making sure.
Hubby: Yeah, and then when someone breaks into the car, you will be bitching.
Yep, again, not an argument to me. Just me trying to not implode over his compulsion to recheck everything! You should see him with the stove!
His Turn: In all fairness, I’ve got some issues too that he can surely write a book about. If I asked him, the number one would be my obsession with cleaning. Poor guy and people in my life. I know how truly annoying it is to put up with it. I’ve been guilty of dust-busting his pants when I saw crumbs on them!
Cleaning Obsession: Here’s an example of what that bickering session looks like.
Me: I just cleaned that counter. Can you at least clean up the crumbs you just made?
Hubby: Geez, let a guy live in his own home would ya? I know how to clean it, and you never give me a chance to get it done before harping about it. You’re a harpie!
Me: Bull! I know you were going to walk away and leave them there.
Hubby: Yeah, you know everything. You are perfect. Harpie!
I always laugh after this type of “argument”. Yet again, I think I can speak for him and say they are not actual arguments – but rather a moment in time when we can be perfectly comfortable with who we are and what’s on our minds. I think so much so that we tend to forget when we are with other people and these little bickering sessions take place.
The bottom line is, thankfully, our actual arguments are few and far between. You know, the ones that are like little earthquakes – that rattle your soul and yes, can wake the neighbors.
These little bickering moments in time, when we are “at” each other for the silliest of things, are the moments I will always remember lovingly. They are the moments that lasted a lifetime and connect us on a level no one can understand. If they choose to see an argument, well then, let them. It’s what we see that counts.
And as always, thanks so much for visiting my site and if you like this post Married For Decades And We Argue About The Silliest Things please subscribe via email below and never miss a post again!
Hilarious! Did you interview me ???? Many of these quotes could have come from me! The only thing is I am not the tech savvy one in our house. David and I share an office and I am constantly interrupting his work with my annoying tech questions! Every relationship has it’s dance. Keep on dancing!
Well I’m pretty sure we all have moments of being The Bickersons, you are so right it’s usually something silly too.
Your post made me smile. Reminded me of the neighbors next door when I was growing up. I always thought teasing of each other was their way of affection.
My husband and I are SO boring. We rarely argue or bicker. Every once in a while he will ask me to turn the TV down and I will occasionally wake him because he is snoring.
It’s our life, too! yes, similar dialogue. it might be universal.
My husband and I will tease each other and pretend bicker which is just a symbol of how much we enjoy each other’s company. Your post make me smile because it reminded me of what happens in my home.
Yep, this is us, too. You would think after 33 years of marriage, we would realize the other one is not going to change – and just let it go!
I have one thing to say…your bickering involves a whole lot less cussing than ours does!
My ex and I never bickered or fought. Right up until the end, where it all fell apart and we divorced. Maybe we should have bickered a little more?
I left a comment that doesn’t seem to have turned up. Maybe it WILL? Or…. not. Enjoyed this post. In your relationship, bickering is clearly a form of loving communication. Whatever works!
I got it Roz thanks much! I agree..bickering is a form of loving communication! Thanks much for stopping by. Have a great week!
Yep, it’s what you see that counts. We have conversations like this all the time! Great post.
Funny, but true. Bickering is like foreplay…as long as both parties can handle it. And those topics are fun and easy to laugh about.
Hi Kelly, yes, you are so right! Bickering is like foreplay. It’s so funny when you think about it. I get such a kick out of bickering with the hubby. It always makes me laugh. Have a great one and Happy Birthday again!
Thanks much Janie. I always get a good laugh out of bickering with the hubby. It’s good to know other couples do the same. Have a great week!
great point Roz. I’ve been married for 39 years and we are still at it. I really think it adds spice and allows you to openly express yourself. Thanks for the comment and get observation. Have a wonderful week!
LOL now that was funny. We on occasion do use expletives trust me, but those types of bickering generally don’t for some reason…great observation! Thanks for the LOL!
lol it’s so awesome to see other married couples are having the same bickering sessions too. I actually enjoy them and always manage to get a good LOL. Have a great week!
So true Ines! I get a lot of joy from these bickering sessions. Glad to see you as well. It really keeps us spicy if you know what I mean lol. Have a great week!
I think so Carol. It really keeps things spicy if you know what I mean lol. Have a great week.
Hi Doreen, lol too funny. I think you should try it! It’s quite funny and really adds some spice into our relationship if you know what I mean lol. Have a great week!
Awww nice memory. Happy to have made you smile. Thanks for the comment and have a great week!
Hi Elin, and yep! Always silly, but so entertaining lol. Have a great week!
Hi Ellen! I wish I could interview you! I love how you put that…every relationship has its dance! Love it. It’s so nice to see other couples have similar bickering sessions…they really keep things spicy if you know what I mean lol. Have a great week!
There is for sure something sexy about having arguments stating different sides of the coin. We do that and end with a smile knowing who won – me of course. The TV too loud, you drive so slow I am going to scream, use your blinker, how many times can I ask you to remove the lint in the dryer..the list goes on and makes for the bond that keeps a marriage together once you get to the point of kind of embracing these little annoyances.
lol so very true Sue! You gave perfect examples of the dialogue that makes us all connect on the same level. I love how each one of those “arguments” makes me laugh. I pray we can both keep having them for many more years to come!
Love it! I an relate to so much of what you have written. I think it is important in a marriage to be totally honest, and the ability to be so secure in your relationship to say ANYTHING, at the exact moment you feel it, is important. The Hubs and I have no filter, if I think it, I say it…TURN DOWN THE TV! See…so easy…sometimes he listens…some times he doesn’t…sometimes I thinks he really does hear me..but chooses to “ignore” me, just to get a rise out of me…Men…they are such odd creatures! Thanks for the awesome post…have a wonderful day! We would love for you to come share with us at Party in Your PJs, our weekly link party, I am sure others will love this post too!
Hi Kim! Love your comment! You are so right when you say that men are such odd creatures lol. I think not having filter is so important for the success of a healthy marriage. I always get a good chuckle out of our bickering sessions too and that always makes me smile. I would love to share at your linky party thanks so much. Heading over there now! It’s meeting bloggers like yourself that make blogging wonderful! Thanks again and heading over now! Have a great week.
maybe the fact that you can have this back and forth and it not turn into a real argument means you two are the one for each other loved this post
Yes Anj exactly! It’s much fun too and we always laugh about it. Thanks for your insight xo
So funny!! But also SO normal … we will “bicker” over the color of the sky if we can! It’s just what we do! LOL Hubbys parents are the same way and married for 50 years this year. I think it keeps the marriage healthy. Glad to know I’m not the only one too!
Lol good to know others do the same Heather! It really does add some “spice” into a marriage.
I love this. And I think it’s normal (healthy even) to bicker and duke it out every now and then. You have to get these things off your chest and once you do, you can put it to bed. Bryan and I have arguments that tend to go in circles about the same things. I hate that I have to ask him to do things repeatedly, and he hates that I nag. Well, I wouldn’t nag if he just did whatever it was the first time! Hmph.
Anyway, thanks for this :) Gave me a good chuckle.
Hi Charlotte, always nice hearing from you! I think having this bickering sessions really keeps a marriage in great shape as long as you can both laugh about it. I agree though, if men would just do what they are told the first time around lol. Glad you got a chuckle at my post. I always enjoy connecting with folks! Have a great weekend!
Geez that’s funny! I just think humans like to “Bicker” keeps the blood flowing… ha!
True Patti. We all do it! lol
Great post Carolann! This gave me a chuckle because I know for some couples they love their bickering – it’s just part of who they are as a couple. And I think there is a line between lovingly bickering and destructively arguing. Love your writing and will be back for more!
Thanks much Clinton! I agree totally with your assessment. We always seem to laugh when we bicker. It’s always a good time. Thanks much for your thoughtful comment and I do hope to see you again soon!
It has been four years, still we are quarreling and making fun daily. We enjoy everything, what we do. Joe, my man try to understand what I need and I do the same. But truly, we have some common story.
lol Samantha, I love bickering with my hubby. His name is Joe too! I think it really spices things up and always manages to make us laugh. Glad you enjoyed the post and hope to see you again soon! Have a great weekend!
That post really made me smile, Love is the thing that allows a woman to sing while she cleans up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his muddy boots.
lol you are so right. Glad you enjoyed the post! Have a great week and thanks for stopping over.